After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
