I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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