My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
