And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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