so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
