Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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