I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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