I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
