dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
