You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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