ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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