Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
