And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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