I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
