Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
