i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
