If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
