I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
