Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
