mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Welp...herpes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
