What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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