I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
