We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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