stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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