I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
