I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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