They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just tell him i said nine months
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
