Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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