it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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