I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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