this beer tastes like vomit already
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
