i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
