I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
