This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
