Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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