who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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