Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
