Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
