The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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