Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
