yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
