Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
