Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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