remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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