You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
