That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
