My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
