quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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