I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
