i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
