so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
