I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
