The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
