Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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