Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
