If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
