after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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