so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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