She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize