I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
