I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
